My Little Home - The Author

My Life Then

I just want to share what I wrote. Well, when I look back at the past, I never really missed out thinking about what would my life be after all had. I not pursued my desire to work as what I had now. Like anyone else who wishes to find a place in a foreign land. I would do anything any odd jobs available that would come across, just to make that long and complicated journey to get worthy. I was haunted and engulfed by the mentality that I would work...work...so work....for all it takes and forget something miserable that once had comes my life. One day I was summoned by the call of being worked. It was a miserable time for me. not to mention that I have to adjust into a state of overwhelming responsibility. It came as a shock. So, I have to challenge myself, so I moved on cursing every single morning that I have to wake early to catch the exact time to work. Then clock-in late after because I need to finished my responsibilities.

On top of it, I had to put up with this chinese boss who thinks himself as a God because he is my boss and much higher than I was. I would come home with tiresome body which I would not mind but I could hardly bear the insults and the pain that was building up inside of me. I started to feel degraded every time the boss would ask me to do my work correctly which I knew I done it perfectly. Then back to work on the dot if you don't want to get rewarded with again. hahaha.. fun isn't it? but it was not for me. Basically, I was working not in my line of profession. A field that forcefully tornment my mind, but look, I have nothing against this kind of work at all.

The thing is, I don't want to do it. I hate the process of re-socialization because of being defenceless. The do and donts in the job and the extreme demonstration of power over subordination is absolutely unthinkable. I hated to admit that because I was working with these people. I have to lower down the standard of my thinking to gratify them. No! I can't say yes and no all the time because I have my own mind and I can think for the most part. So, I decided to do something. Not just something but something better. I needed a gateway! I challenge myself. It is not that I can say I have everything now but at least my knowledge acquisition alleviated my vulnerability for aggravation and somehow this society has acknowledge my worthiness as a person and not a mere working machine.

This is what I wanted to do, this is what I had been doing now and then. I made it happen agaon. Now I can say that I have freedom to utilize my intellectual resources and be compensated. I have the right to be heared and be a part of a multicultural team that recognizes talent and not of physical strength and speed. I have the option to demand of something I deserved and scream back at my boss if I need to. And for one last thing I have a chance to bond myself to where I am working. All of these happened because I followed a desire of recognition and of self-realization that I had to do something better and made it happen for whatever it could have cost me.

People may not remember exactly what you did or what you said but they will always remember how you made them feel!

The Past Makes Us

How many of us actually forget the past? The past that has helped shape our lives today. The path that we are all on now is because of the decisions and mistakes we’ve made in the past.

When we are faced with a negative result from an action taken, we’re often weary of taking the same action, the same road, again. We suddenly have doubts because we remember that we’ve been down that road before and the end wasn’t as peachy keen as we thought it to be. We begin to have doubts. We start to develop fear because of what has happened to us before.

It’s probably why forgiving and forgetting is so hard to do. It’s a nice concept. It’s always nice to start over, to be given a second chance. How many of us can actually do it? Not just through words, but through actions as well. How many of us say “I forgive you”, but in the back of our minds we’re plotting our revenge, or at least standing guard in case it happens again?

Sometimes, I do.

Yes, Boss

It’s one of those perks that turns around to bite you in the ass. You liked it in the beginning because it worked well in your favor.

Slowly, but surely, its became your worst enemy.

It’s hard enough when all 4 lines are ringing. It’s even worse when people are barking orders that they can do for themselves. The first thing that my Boss told me when he oriented me was, “Don’t ever let the Bosses take advantage of you. They’ll get used to it.”

I didn’t listen.

I feel guilty for saying no sometimes. I feel guilty for telling them to wait because I’m busy doing something else. I feel as though I’m being a disrespectful person. Afterall, they’re my elders, they're high rank as mine.

They’re to be respected at all times.

But what happens when the respect for you gets thrown out the window? Sometimes, it’s hard differentiating it as a job with people higher in rank than you that you can sometimes say no to. I see it as a job with all my elders from the community who I’m forced to be respectful to at all times even though it is past the boundaries of my job description.

I whine. I rant.

But in the end, it’s always sure . . sure . . sure.