My Little Home - The Story Behind

We dont see things the way they are. we see things the way we are.

Whoever quoted this is right. there's something seriuosly wrong with the people think, at least often times. we just tend to think so much, think the way we want to think, thaat is regardless if it's really the case or not.

You see, I am usually talkative, note on my word usually, of course I have my own "sielnt" moments, too. when I've just woke up upon from a bad dream, for example, or a tiring dream, and I vividly remember every color, every face and every place, I tend to keep silent. I have this "i-dont-wanna-talk" attitude, but it doesnt mean i'm grumpy. I'm just not in the mood to converse-yet. I'd rather listen and make comments in my head, so when someone talk to me, i tend to rather keep it short not because I mean to annoy the person i'm talking to, but because i un/subconsciously don't want to be disturbed. I'm contented by just listening and watching everyone talk.

Yet, some people make a big fuss out of it, claiming things that arent true, thinking things that aren't the case. It's such an annoying feeling to be judged, really, specially if it ain't true. What an understanding bunch these people are.

And then I become really grumpy, but rather than talking to someone who will most probably not understand what i'm trying to say anyway, I'll just write it here and count until I fall asleep. hehe.

Sometimes, it's just so hard to be the bigger person. It's funny, when you're all talkative, they make fun of it, yet you keep quiet, they associate it with negative meanings. can't people realize that just as much as there are actions that have meanings beyond what they convey, there are also actions that mean no more than what is shown? fraustrating

PS: I've been thinking about it for some time now and I've realized that not many people really understand what i'm trying to say and i've also realized that i'm not the only one experiencing that, everyone of us experience the feeling of not really being heared no matter how much we try to explain it. It's like we've given every single detail already, yet they still can't figure out what our point is. So maybe this is the best time to just keep quiet, maybe they'll get used to it, come to think of it, there's really no difference anyway!

It's Been Everywhere

I noticed that everybody around me has (one) gotten engaged (two) gotten married (three) given birth or (four) passed away. The first thought that came to mind upon hearing all these was: Why are people all of a sudden?

All of a sudden?

People have been getting engaged, gotten married, given birth, or passed away for centuries long, and I barely realized it. I guess one explanation could be that it is now people my age. I have always heard news that so and so is older sister got engaged and that we were invited to the wedding. I didnt think much of it. I was 25. Why would getting engaged or getting married be of any importance to me? As I approach my last few months of being a "teen", I finally realized that it is now people my age or around my age who are getting engaged. I even have an invitation to a wedding this month for someone who is only a few months older.

Earlier this year, a friend of mine passed away. We werent close, but we knew of each other and acknowledged each others presence when we were attending the same events. She was only a couple of years older than me. It actually hit me. A few of my friends are already starting a family with their husbands and children. A classmate of mine gave birth earlier this year, while some more are slated to do so later this year.

Time does pass by quickly, doesnt it?

We were all just playing with our dolls, running around tagging each other saying "you are it", arguing about who had next on the monkey bars . . and now, we have all grown up ・getting ready to go to the next level. While some have already reached that level and others are barely taking their first few steps, we can be rest assured that we will all be there before we know it.

And I dont know if Im scared or excited about it.

Yet Another Sentiments Thoughts

I have been surrounded by people, way too many insensitive people who, after I have burst out my real emotions (and those moments are rare), will just look at me and tell me that I should first, understand, understand and understand, second, that everything's okay and third that you should learn to forgive.

But really, leaving no pride solve nothing. Sure you may have learend to forgive, but isn't it one-way still?

The most important lesson I have learned in life is that while kindness kills sometimes, there are always stone-hearted people who will not reward your kindness, rather, take advantage of it.

And giving up after countless tries which have failed maybe the only way to save yourself from the near-term downfall. But how long does one's pride last? It depends, really. Pride is one trait we should all have. But we should know when to let go of it.

One general rule I follow is that in terms of forgiveness, pride leaves my mind the moment my heart learns to forget.

For most people, the saying "time heals all wounds" does the trick and yes, time plays a big part in healing painful slashes one has left your heart. But time is not the only solution. In my case it's "Forgetfulness"

I remember talking to a friend once, a friend who ha witnessed the same thing I have. And during the time when everything was happening, we did not bother to tame our tempers and allowed our anger to rule our emotions. But years after, we started laughing during the conversation. You see, we tried very hard to recall the reasons why we felt angry towards this certain person, we tried to remember the things he did which truly drove us mad. We failed, we were left with nothing but vague memories, to think that we knew the situations by heart the time they were happening. It was then we realized that "forgiving starts with forgetting". Up to this day, I sometime try to recall the events that happen and still, I fail. Truth be told, I did not have "closure" with that person. There are many questions I know I will never get to answer. The unsatisfied mind may be pushy at times, but the heart challenges it by making the mind realized that there really is no point in knowing the answers. The mind no longer knows how those questions were brought up, after all.

Forgetting takes a while. It's something we cannot just achieve. It's such an irony, really. The more you force yourself to do it, the more you remember. Forgetting just comes the moment we start to stop dealing with what cannot be dealt with, and look towards the dirention we clearly see. And this moment is something we do not consciously make happen, either. We just realize it when we're there.

Being Content & Happy

How did you know. For the first time ever, I am not bitter about how things transpired. Normally, I would have an angry-at-the-world type of attitude after this recent revelation, but I dont. It even surprised one of my friends. She asked how I could be so forgiving and accepting of the outcome when she knows that it doesnt sit well with me. There are things in life that happen to teach you a lesson or to make you see what kind of a person you were before that blessed event. There are just some things in life that a person has to go through in order to grow and mature and gain wisdom. Being such a cynical and untrusting person, to a point where you shut out the whole world, isnt a very healthy way of living life. You should still keep your guard up for certain things. You should still have a very reliable defense mechanism in tact in case there is an attack, but for the most part, you should continue to live life as though it is going to be taken away from you tomorrow. You shouldnt be so judgemental of those around you. You shouldnt stereotype everybody because of something that happened in the past. Learn from it, but dont live life through it.

What if God had this plan for you and he laid it out for you, but you ignored it? What if he had a sign for you to see, but you didnt look up because you were too afraid? You missed it. Something great could have happened to you, but you were scared to take a chance on the unknown. Christians should know how to take a chance. We believe in God even though we cant see him. We know in our hearts that He is there watching over us even though we cant see him. For the non-christians, it is like believing in the wind. We cant see it, but we can feel it. We have to believe in the unknown. We have to learn to embrace what cant be seen, or life is just going to pass us by without us benefitting from what it has to offer us. Hmmmmmm.

I just thought I'd share this personal revelation.

Unfortunate events are there to make our lives richer, us wiser. They will always be there, happening the second you tell yourself how great life is. But even though we cannot contol its permanence, there is something else we can control: what we eventually remember.

The mind may logically store everything, but it's our heart that truly remembers it. Based on experience, it's when we erase the unpleasant memories in our minds that our hearts are left with nothing but only the important moments and a sigh relief.